and me. and then another you.
to be perfectly honest, whenever your name comes up, i still flinch. i still feel my inside jolt, just a bit. maybe because you were never just another person. you were always something more because you were the beginning of high school for me. the beginning of learning and the beginning of pain.
i wonder sometimes if maybe we had met at a different point in both of our lives, might it have worked out. maybe, maybe not.
now we’re so far from each other i can’t even remember how tall you are or what your voice sounds like. expected, it’s been over two years since the last time we actually saw each other.
and now here i am in college, surrounding myself with new people, with old friends. you only come up in my mind every now and then — sometimes i find myself forgetting that you were ever part of my life.
i’m immersed in my journey to be a photographer, and you, i don’t know. maybe you’re still aiming to be a surgeon, like you wanted so many years ago. maybe not.
i think, though, that i’d like to be friends. it really seems like such a shame to let someone go just like that. someone that i know had such an influence in shaping who i am.
i’m in love, now. with someone else. i know, now what i want to do and what i want to be. my head has never been more clear.
it’s just too bad i might never find the nerve to pick up the damn phone and call you.
and that’s even if i hadn’t deleted your number off my phone in a fit of anger a year and a half ago.