i hate the way i look. i hate how my head is too small for my body and that my cheeks are round and my eyes are too small and close together. i hate that i’m not petite, that my stomach isn’t flat, that i have this weird loose skin on my neck, that i have no curves, that my legs aren’t long, and most of all, i hate my man shoulders. i hate them.
i hate that i look muscular even though i’m not, that they disproportionally make the rest of my body look bigger than it is, that they make me look at a man.
sometimes i look in the mirror and i can’t see anything remotely feminine about myself. i could curl my hair and paint my nails and put makeup on and it wouldn’t make a difference.
i don’t wear pink, and i don’t wear floral patterns because i hate those things, and because of that i bury my last hope of trying to look like a girl. i wish i could wear oversized sweaters and look good instead of like a fucking pumpkin.
i’m not skinny, and i’m not cute. i hate every single picture of myself that’s been taken since sophomore year of high school. people always wonder why i hate being in pictures when i like taking them so much, and that’s the reason.
i could really damn cry every time someone mentions my arms, my neck, or my face, even if it’s just a joke, because i already know, and they don’t have to keep telling me because i know, i know i know.
i’m fat, and i’m ugly, and no one knows that better than me.